Happy Birthday

My beautiful, eldest daughter turns fifteen today and once again I will not be able to wish her a happy birthday, give her presents and a cuddle and share in her day of celebration and neither will her step-mother, sister and grandparents. This will be yet again another year where I will be forced to just wonder about her, rather than be in wonder of her. I will wonder how she is celebrating it and where and with whom. Whether she is thinking of me and the rest of her family and if she does, are they good thoughts? Whether she knows we are all thinking of her and wishing her a very happy birthday? What presents she has been given and were they what she wanted?

This is the fourteenth time this has happened and each time is just as difficult as the rest. I hope that it is easier for her as she deserves to have a happy birthday.

It is certainly not through lack of trying to see her either. The problem is that I am not a custodial parent, only a guardian, which means no-one (including CYFS, the Family Court, the police, lawyers etc) can or will help my daughter and I. In written law they can but in reality none of them will. I don’t even know where she is living, what her phone number is or if she is even safe, which of course is against the law but that doesn’t seem to matter to the authorities. The only thing the authorities care about is if I am paying my child support. They will hound anyone who fails to pay money but as for the child actually getting to see their parents and families, they couldn’t care less. Yet supposedly the court always acts in the “best interests of the child”.

You can’t withhold child support if you aren’t seeing the child, as the IRD says access has nothing to do with child support. However one of the ways in which they calculate child support is by seeing how often you see your child. So which way is it IRD? Does access have something to do with child support or doesn’t it? I am not sure how the IRD and the government cannot see that by charging parents more child support the less they see their children, has added to the already huge problem of parental alienation? Then again, perhaps they can? They have given unethical and uncaring parents a financial incentive and reward for abusing their child.

The media aren’t allowed to comment either so every other child, parent and family in our situation cannot get our story out, therefore the general public remain ignorant to our plight. Which means when people read blogs like this, they won’t believe it or they will think that I or someone like me have done something to cause it. It is awful to be in this situation and see the media covering non-stories like a child being upset with their school uniform or the latest celebrity break up, whilst we are here dealing with the trauma of not seeing our family, being alienated from them and not being able to do anything about it.

Wherever you are Olivia, I hope you are having a great birthday. Happy birthday from Dad, Genna, Elektra, Granny and Pop. We look forward to one day when we can celebrate your birthday with you. We love you and always will.